我的第一次团体关系会议体验
My first experience of Group Relations Conference
从开始参加团体关系会议，就一直有冲动写一些什么来记录自己参加团体关系会议的经历和学习，但每每下笔时总感觉自己思维匮乏及文笔苍白，所以一直拖延到现在。如今在内外双重驱动下终于提笔，以流水账的方式来分享自己第一次参加团体关系会议的体验。
Since I started to participate in group relations conference, I have always had the urge to write something to record my experience and learning, but every time I want to write, I always feel that my thinking is lacking and my writing is pale, so I have been procrastinating until now. Now, under the dual drive of internal and external, I finally took up the pen, and shared my experience of participating in the first group relations conference in the form of daybook.
依然清晰地记得第一次参加团体关系会议是在2019年10月，那个时候还没有疫情，也是截止到目前为止参加的唯一一次地面团体关系会议。在去之前就对GRC（团体关系会议的英文简称）久仰大名，获得的关键词有好玩、新奇、与众不同、收获超多，所以带着期待、兴奋又紧张的复杂情绪就和大家伙一起去了。在会议第一天，第一项日程就是注册，当时非常出乎意料的在登记的时候还收获了一个文件夹（毫不夸张，真的是一个文件夹！！！），当时拿到手的时候都惊呆了，在没有打开之前心里更是犯了嘀咕，这不是来体验的吗？不是和其他学术会议不同吗？这怎么一开始就发了这么多学习资料，难道后面还有考试或者评分什么的吗（OS:原谅一个书呆子的惯性思维），打开之后看到不是学习资料的时候长出一口气，但是定睛一看更惊讶，上面满满都是数字，有包括时间、日程、参加不同活动的房间号、不同的分组名单，因为对于数字的焦虑以及信息过载，从前看到后只觉头晕目眩，然后就拿着自己的大包小裹和文件夹就匆匆上了楼。之后就是会议开幕式，所有的成员都列坐在台下，工作人员都身穿正装，每人拿着一个文件夹表情严肃地上了台，他们依次坐下后，会议的主任、副主任就开始致辞并介绍各位工作人员，当时因为依然沉浸在焦虑之中，大家所讲、所介绍的一个字都没有听清楚，反而对为什么大家都是扑克脸感到困惑，而且还有一些害怕，就好像又回到了上学时代班主任板着脸站在讲台上怒目而视着同学们，大家都缩在下面瑟瑟发抖。
I still clearly remember that the first group relations conference I participated in was in October 2019. There was no COVID-19, and it was also the only ground group relations conference I attended so far. Before going there, I have known GRC for a long time. The keywords I got are fun, novelty, unique, and a lot of gains, so I and other partners went the conference with complex emotions including anticipation, excitement and nervousness. On the first day of the conference, the first event on the agenda was registration. It was very unexpected that I got a folder during the registration (No exaggeration, it was really a folder!!!). Before opening it , I considered that isn't this here to experience and isn't it different from other academic conferences? Why did so many learning materials be sent out at the beginning? Is there an exam or grading later? (OS: Forgive the habitual thinking of a nerd). I was even more surprised to see that it was full of numbers, including time, schedule, room numbers for different events, and different group lists. Because of anxiety about numbers and information overwhelmed, I felt dizzy after seeing those files, and then took hurried upstairs with bags and folders. Then was the opening ceremony of the conference. All the members sat down the stage, and the staffs were all dressed in formal dresses. Each of them took a folder and went up to the stage with a serious expression. After they sat down one by one, the director and associate director of the conference began to deliver a speech and introduced all the staff. At that time, because I was still immersed in anxiety, I couldn't hear a word of what everyone said and introduced. Instead, I was confused about why everyone had a poker face, and there were some fears, as if in the school days, the head teacher stood on the podium with a straight face and glared at the students, and everyone huddled underneath and shivered.
到开幕式结束时自己依然是一脸蒙圈的状态，之后就去了第一场小团体，因为人数的减少，以及大家围圈而坐，感觉可以轻松一些，但因为没有明确的被告知应该是怎样参加，在经历了很长一段沉默之后，小团体里终于有人开口做了自我介绍，并提议大家每个人都应该介绍一下自己来增进我们彼此的认识，当时有一些成员就也开始自我介绍，当然包括我（虽然自己不反对但对介绍也没有太多好感），就在介绍很顺利进行的时候，一位成员就开始质疑“为什么要作介绍，大家为什么要听你的，”当时气氛一下进入冰点，感觉到很紧张但又很佩服对方，觉得太勇了，做了自己不敢做的事情，之后大家就开始吵吵闹闹，同时也很关注顾问的意见，总有人会向顾问提问“你怎么看，你觉得我们应该怎样”，按照我们平时的经验，顾问一定会回复的，但是在GRC期间顾问并不会直接回答这些问题，但顾问会不时说一些当时感觉到懵懵懂懂的一些话，就犹如扔出来一块石子到这个不太平静的湖里，搅起各种各样的波澜，但随着小团体的次数越来越多，大家彼此之间的连接和讨论也越来越深入，甚至在之后的活动中犹如避风港一样，让大家流连忘返。
At the end of the opening ceremony, I was still in ignorance, and then I went to the first small study group (SSG). Because of the reduction in the number of people and everyone sitting in a circle, I felt more relaxed, as there was not clearly told how to participate, after a long period of silence, someone in the SSG finally introduced himself/ herself, and suggested that everyone should introduce themselves to know each other. At that time, some members also began to introduce themselves, of course including me (although I don’t object, but I don’t have much favor for the introduction). When the introduction was going smoothly, a member began to question "Why do you think we need to make an introduction? Why should everyone listen to you?" At that time, the atmosphere was freezing, and I felt very nervous but I felt this member was too brave and did something I didn’t dare to do. After that, everyone was in a bustle. At the same time, they also paid close attention to the consultant’s opinion. Someone would always ask the consultant. "What do you think, what do you think we should do?" According to our experience, the consultant would definitely reply, but during GRC, the consultant would not directly answer these questions, but the consultant would say something from time to time to the group. Some words are like throwing a stone into this uneasy lake, stirring up all kinds of waves, but as the time went by, the connections and discussions between everyone became more deeper, it also was a safe place in the subsequent events.
除了小团体之外，在第一次参加时印象最深刻的就是大团体了。在地面GRC中，大团体里的椅子会摆成双螺旋状（这里没有现场图，大家可以自行搜索图片），这对于当时的自己来说感觉到非常奇怪，但因为对于这种设置的不熟悉，在最开始的时候就选择坐在了最尾端、最不起眼的位置，顾问也没有固定的位置，他们时间开始时一起进入然后找空位置坐下。大团体开始的时候更懵圈，乌泱乌泱的坐了好多人，其中很多人都想发言，但是这些声音很快就被淹没，犹如车轮一样不停地向前，同时顾问的发言更是让人摸不着头脑，有中文的也有英文的，有几个词的也有说一句话的，当时最直观的感受就是不理解，但是大团体里有很多成员似乎能够理解顾问所说，那时候就感觉很沮丧，感觉自己可真是够笨的，怎么字都能听懂但是就是理解不了呢？后面就会感觉到有一些无聊，随着时间的推移也不知道当时有什么样的魔力，就好像有一只大手在后面慢慢推着自己，让自己去感受，去共鸣，甚至在一位成员一边哭一边讲的时候自己也会红着眼圈，在那一场结束之后依然会觉得不可思议，现在想来这就是大团体的魅力吧。随着参加大团体的次数越来越多，大家对于“龙头”（螺旋开始也是最中心的位置）的竞争越来越激烈，都想体验坐在那的感觉怎么样，在某一场里，自己特意早到并且坐在比较靠中心的位置（如果没有记错的话，应该是距离“龙头”只有一步之遥），当时因为背对着后面的成员，视野很小，有不安全的感觉，感觉到后背也在一直冒汗，鼓足勇气在大团体中发了言，虽然自己的声音也很快被淹没，但应该是自己在那一次会议中最高光的时刻，也为自己能够拿起权威、为自己发声感到骄傲。
In addition to SSG, it is the large study group (LSG) impressed me most. In the ground GRC, the chairs in LSG will be arranged in a double helix, which felt very strange to me at the time, but because I am not familiar with this setting . At the very beginning, I sit in the most end and most inconspicuous position, and the consultant did not have a fixed position, they entered together at the beginning of the time and then sat down in an empty seat. In LSG, I felt more confused at the beginning. There were many people sitting in the dark, and many of them wanted to speak, but these voices were quickly overwhelmed, and they kept moving forward like a wheel. Intervenes made me confused, some were in Chinese and some were in English, some had a few words and some of them was sentence. The most intuitive feeling at that time was that they didn’t understand, but many members seemed to understand what the consultant said. I felt very frustrated, I feel that I am really stupid, as I could understand the words but just couldn't understand. As time went by, I didn’t know what kind of magic power , It just like a big hand slowly pushing me behind, allowing myself to feel and resonate. When a member was crying and talking, my eyes also turned red. After that event, I found it incredible and I think this is the charm of LSG .As more and more people participate in LSG, the competition for the "leader" (the beginning of the spiral is also the most central position) was becoming more and more fierce. Everyone wanted to experience how it feels to sit there. In a certain session, I arrived early on purpose and sat in a relatively central position (if I remembered correctly, it should be only one step away from the "leading head"). At that time, because my back was facing the members behind, my field of vision was very small, and I felt unsafe. And my back was sweating all the time. I mustered up the courage to speak in the large group. Although my voice was quickly drowned out, it should be the brightest moment in that conference and felt proud of myself.
当然，会议中的机构活动、回顾应用团体、以及社交活动也都非常有意思，就不在这一一赘述，只感觉在这一次会议中看到了在没有那么多条条框框下大家是如何探索这些边界，如何在团体中发出自己的声音，如何去理解自己与他人等，犹如进入了新世界一样，而这些收获不再只是听别人说、羡慕别人，而是真真正正地装在自己的口袋里还感觉到沉甸甸的。
Of course, the institutional events (IE), reviewing application groups (RAG), and social activities in the conference are also very interesting, so I won’t go into details here. In that conference, I saw how everyone explored these boundaries without so many rules, made your own voice in the group, and how to understand yourself and others. This process is like entering a new world, and these gains are no longer just listening to others and envious of others, but truly in your own pockets and feel fruitful.
最后也想和大家分享两句诗词以及在参会前出去玩的时候拍摄的照片与大家共勉：
“东方欲晓，莫道君行早。
踏遍青山人未老，风景这边独好。”
Finally, I would like to share with two lines of poems and the photos I took before participating in the conference:
"The east is about to dawn, so don't go early.
The person who has traveled through the green mountains is not old, and the scenery here is unique."
